Full Transcript

Welcome to Share the Word. Episode 211 continues with the Beatitudes, and the focus is being a peacemaker. At Share the Word, the goal is always to bring you the big idea of the New Testament chapter by chapter. But Pastor Paul, Margie, and all who sit behind this microphone strive to bring you practical guidelines that will help you incorporate the lesson of the day. So let’s get started. Matthew chapter 5, part 4: Be a peacemaker.

I read an interesting story in a newspaper, if I remember right, so this was a while back. It interested me on a couple levels, enough so that I copied and saved it. Here’s an excerpt of the story. Penn and Ink ended Appalachia’s most infamous bloody feud instead of a shotgun and bullets. Descendants of the Hatfield and McCoy clans gathered Saturday in Pikeville, Kentucky, to sign a truce, making an official end to a feud that had claimed at least a dozen lives from those two mountain families. We ask by God’s grace and love that we here be forever remembered as those that bound together the hearts of two families, says the truce, and it was signed by more than 60 descendants.

That feud, which dated back more than 100 years, is reported to have started when these two mountain families had a dispute over a hog. That thar’s my hog. No, it ain’t. It’s our hog. It escalated with fights over boundary disputes and timber rights, even who could be buried in what cemetery. Over the years, the feud turned violent at times, with Hatfields and McCoys being stabbed, shot, and hung.

At one point, things escalated to the point that it almost caused a civil war between the states of Kentucky and West Virginia. The governor of Kentucky at the time said he would put a thousand Kentucky National Guard troops on the border if he had to. The governor of West Virginia replied that if that happened, there would be a thousand dead Kentuckians. Federal government had to step in to stop the states from going at it. God bless Rio Hatfield of Waynesboro, Virginia, who came up with the idea for a proclamation of peace. After the ceremony, he said, If these two feuding families can come together, anyone can.

We’re not saying you don’t have to fight sometimes, because sometimes you do. But you don’t have to fight forever. Peace is the ideal condition for us to live in. Peace is being in a whole and sound relationship with God and with the people around us, and living in freedom from the disturbances and fear caused by mankind’s sin. There was perfect peace in the Garden of Eden at the beginning, and there will one day be perfect peace when Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, returns to set up His kingdom. But between those two points, there has been precious little of it.

Why is that? It’s because sin entered our world, and it’s not just around us; it’s inside us. The Epistle of James says, For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil. But the wisdom that comes down from heaven is first of all pure; it is peace-loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere.

Those who are peacemakers will plant the seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness. I love those verses from James chapter 3. Those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace. When James wrote that, he was certainly echoing what Jesus taught in his Sermon on the Mount, the seventh beatitude. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. The peacemakers.

Today, there are conflicts raging, 120 of them according to the Red Cross, all across the world. We live with the daily threat of domestic terrorism. We hear grim statistics about the levels of violence in our great cities. For the first time I can remember, the national government is actually using federal troops to try and keep the peace in cities like Memphis and Los Angeles and Washington, D.C. But far closer to home, many of us are caught up in conflicts within our families, or with our neighbors, or with people we work with. It seems like conflicts are everywhere.

But Jesus said to us who are his followers, God is happy with the peacemakers. My goal when we began this podcast over 200 episodes ago was to go through the New Testament, explaining and applying the biggest ideas that come up in each chapter. I know that we have certainly talked about related things like the power of forgiveness and the value of a clear conscience, but I couldn’t remember a time when we actually focused on how to be a peacemaker. So this podcast we will, in very practical how-to-do-it terms. Let me explain the wrong process most of us go through in our minds when we experience conflicts, and this only results in more unease and lingering guilt, and it’s called learning to cope. Picture a scale in your mind, the kind they used in the good old days at the general store.

It has two arms extending out each side. They used weights that would go on one side of that scale, which would be used to weigh whatever you were buying. Someone wanted to buy a pound of coffee beans, the shopkeeper would put a one-pound weight on the other side, and he would pour the beans on the other side until the sides balanced out. Can you picture that? That’s sort of what we do in our minds and consciences. We try to balance out our own sin and guilt by thinking of as many things we can pour the blame on the other person.

That balance point we come to is called coping. We cope with our own part in the conflict by focusing on things we can blame on the other guy in order to reach a balance in our mind. As each person pins blame on the other, trying to balance out their own guilt, the relationship never gets healed. In fact, things usually get worse. We have to learn to break the cycle of guilt and blame. Just managing to cope is not an acceptable goal for a follower of Christ.

That’s a miserable place to be stuck in fact. There’s a much better way, and that is to learn to be a peacemaker. Romans 14, verse 19, we’re instructed there, Let us make every effort to do what leads to peace. And in Romans 12, verse 18, we’re told, If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So let me recommend some steps to follow if you really want to be a peacemaker, and I hope you do. First, let’s decide this.

When there is a conflict, whose responsibility is it to initiate peace, the Hatfields or the McCoys? You might be thinking, Well, the side who is primarily at fault, right? Wrong. Listen to these two key passages in God’s Word. Jesus says later in this very chapter, chapter 5, verses 23 and 24, Even if you are standing before the altar in the temple offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice right there and go and be reconciled to that person. Then afterward come and offer your sacrifices to God.

So according to Jesus, if we know someone thinks we have wronged them, whose responsibility is it to go and try to make peace? Ours. But later in Matthew chapter 18, verse 15, Jesus said, If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. And if he listens to you, you will have won your brother over. So again, according to Jesus, in the very opposite situation, when we think someone has wronged us, whose responsibility is it to go and try to make peace? Ours.

Do you get the point? The first principle to remember in peacemaking is this: we should take the initiative. Because of the guilt and blame game, most of the time we sit back, waiting for the other person to come to us to try to straighten out the problem, to seek our forgiveness. And we can wait there forever till hell freezes over. But Jesus said, regardless of who you believe is primarily at fault, if there is something wrong between you, you need to take the initiative to restore the broken relationship and make peace. A lot of ongoing hurts and broken relationships persist simply because no one takes the initiative to make peace.

Jesus said, Don’t wait for the other guy. You take the initiative. You be a peacemaker. Step number two, you got to be willing to pay the price. Many times people live with guilt and struggle under the weight of broken relationship for years simply because they are unwilling to pay the price it takes to be a peacemaker. For us, the price is almost always the same.

You know what it is, don’t you? Pride. Even when the conviction to make peace strikes us as the right thing to do, our pride whispers, They don’t deserve it. You don’t need to do that. As Proverbs 13, verse 10 in the NIV says, Where there is strife, there is always pride. I remember a friend who came to me once about a conflict with his neighbors, who just so happened to be his sister and brother-in-law too.

They had built houses right next door to each other. That’s how close of friends they had been. As I remember it, their kids were playing together and somehow or another a window got broken. The kids were blaming each other, and then the parents got defensive, and it became a pride issue. My friend came to me because both of these families actually came to my church, and he was hoping I would try and straighten out who was right and who was wrong, like I had the wisdom of Solomon or something. It had escalated, and these best friends, neighbors, relatives were no longer even talking to each other.

After I heard him out, I know he was surprised at my advice. I said, Ron, here’s what I recommend you do. What is your brother-in-law’s favorite pie? He said, What? His favorite pie? Ask your wife to bake your brother-in-law’s favorite pie.

Then you take the initiative, swallow your pride, ring their doorbell and say, We made something for you to show you how important our relationship is. We don’t want to fight about the stupid window anymore. Ron hesitated at first because there was a price involved, and I’m not talking about the cost of the pie ingredients. But they decided to take my advice, and he called me later and said, You know, the pie thing, it actually worked, and having our best friends back was definitely worth sacrificing a little pride. If Ron had not been willing to pay the price, they could have become another Hatfield and McCoy situation and still be feuding to this day. A third recommendation I would make is carefully consider what you have contributed to the conflict.

Most of us, at the drop of a hat, can recount the faults of others with whom we are unhappy or by whom we have been hurt. It’s like we have a filing cabinet in our brain where we file these things away, all the offenses they have made against us. What I am suggesting is, if you want to be a peacemaker, instead of concentrating on all the ways you have been wronged, carefully think through the situation from the other person’s perspective as best you can. Philippians 2, verse 4 says, Don’t merely look out for your own interests, but also the interests of others. Most of the time, if we’re honest, we know down deep there are things we have contributed to the problem if there’s a conflict, a broken relationship. We will never be peacemakers as long as we keep focusing only on all the wrongs we feel have been done to us.

We have to value peace more than we value being right. We have to value peace enough to honestly, introspectively uncover just what is our attitude problem or our behavior that has offended the other person. We need to do our best to see and feel the problem from their side. Six, to the tango, or actually tangle, right? We need to own up to what we have done that has contributed to the conflict, not just what we think they have done. And don’t just think in surface terms, but try to understand and identify the root issues involved, what they’re really reacting against.

For whatever we have contributed to the conflict, we need to be ready to humbly seek forgiveness. The fourth step for going to be peacemakers is to carefully plan what we are going to say. It is very important to plan the wording. We see a good example of this in the story Jesus told about the prodigal son, remember, back in Luke chapter 15? When he was still in that faraway country, realizing he was wrong, finally owning up to just how messed up he had been, he rehearsed exactly what he wanted to say when he returned to face his father. Let me tell you why this is so important.

Because when you actually do get together with the person you need to make peace with, your pride will make one last-ditch effort to derail the process. You’re not very well prepared. You’ll find yourself making weak apologies instead of actually seeking forgiveness. By weak apologies, I mean saying things like, Well, I may have been at fault, but so were you, or If I have somehow offended you, I’m sorry. That’s so lame. Have you ever had someone sound like they are starting to apologize, and then it feels more like a defense of their wrong actions and attitudes?

That never works. If you really want to be a peacemaker, you’ve got to learn to say the hardest three little words in the English language. You know what they are? I was wrong, and the next four hardest words, will you forgive me? You might be thinking at this point, Hey, Paul, what if I don’t think I was wrong, or maybe at best only 5% wrong and the other person 95% wrong? We need to remember that we look at things from very different perspectives than others.

Jesus talked about this in Matthew chapter 7, verses 3 through 5. He points out there that we are much better at seeing problems in others’ lives than we are at seeing our own. Realize the other person is doing the very same thing, magnifying your faults while minimizing their own. That’s why you’re stuck. Pretty fruitless to talk about who is most at fault. If you realize you are at all in any way at fault, be a peacemaker.

Take the initiative. Be willing to pay the price of swallowing your pride. Figure out your part in the problem and identify your basic offense. Then carefully think through what you need to say. Don’t make excuses or try to shift blame. There are three ingredients, by the way, of a very good statement.

Identify your basic offense first. That is the root problem. Admit you were wrong second. Ask for forgiveness third. For example, Bill, I realized my comments about you the other day in front of the boss were way out of line. I said those things because I am jealous of the attention you’ve been getting.

It was stupid and wrong. Will you forgive me? Did you hear the key ingredients? He identified his basic offenses. He had acted out of jealousy, he said, and said things that were way out of line. He made no excuses.

He said they were wrong. Then he asks for forgiveness. That third step about asking forgiveness is key because when a person forgives you, it changes the balances on that scale in their conscience we were describing earlier. When they forgive you, they release you from the blame that they’ve been holding over you, and then suddenly they are left with all the remaining guilt. That is why so frequently when one person takes the initiative to be a peacemaker, does the right thing, the other person ends up seeking forgiveness too. Once they see you owning up to your part and sense your humbleness in admitting wrong, they no longer want to keep excusing their own bad attitudes by blaming you.

They can no longer cope, in other words, and that will prompt their conscience to seek peace with you in return. And that’s how peace is reestablished. Occasionally, you may try to reconcile with someone and get rebuffed. If that happens, you should step back and consider why. Why are they still reacting to you? Do they doubt your sincerity?

Do you make excuses, really, for your behavior? Was your wording not very good? Are you not showing humility you need to show? Sometimes people need to see we actually have had a change of heart before they’re ready to release us from guilt and believe in us again. Sometimes restitution may even need to be made. But remember, forgiveness is an act of grace.

We can’t demand someone forgive us. We can only do the right thing on our end. I bet while I’ve been talking about this, some situations have come to your mind where you have been playing the guilt and blame game. You probably don’t even realize the drain emotionally and spiritually these situations are on you. I hope today you decide to be the peacemaker. If God is impressing on you the need to do that, take the initiative.

Swallow your pride. Identify your part in the problem. Carefully prepare a statement seeking forgiveness, and then, number five, the most important step, the most important step, follow through and do it. Pick an appropriate time when you can connect with this person in private. Pray for boldness that you will properly display humility, and then do it. It produces inner peace for us and the happiness that comes from restored relationships.

Usually, I can remember every time I have gone through this exercise and the inner sense of freedom it has brought me. It’s always very hard to own up to our part, to accept the guilt, admit we were wrong, seek forgiveness. But boy, is it a freeing experience. Blessed are the peacemakers. The follow-on is, for they shall be called sons of God. The highest reason we should be peacemakers is because it is the right thing to do.

By sons of God, Jesus is saying that when we act this way, we are demonstrating our heavenly Father’s own character, like true sons and daughters of His. God is the ultimate peacemaker, and being a peacemaker is a godly endeavor. Let me say in closing, a lot of people are playing the guilt and blame game, even with God. They know they’re guilty, probably sinful in God’s eyes, but like to excuse themselves by comparing themselves with others, you know, shifting blame and guilt around. God is not into that game. The good news is, the Bible says He actually has taken the initiative to make peace with us.

He loves us even while and even though we are sinners against Him. He looks beyond our faults and sees our need, and He was willing to pay a tremendous price to make peace with us. Jesus humbled Himself to become one of us just so He could lay down His life for our sins to make peace with God for us. That’s how badly God wants to be reconciled with you. If you’re listening to all this and are tired of being at odds with God and you are ready to turn around and live your life His way, respond to the loving initiative God has made toward you. He offers you a restored relationship with Him if you will own up to your sins, ask His forgiveness, accept Christ as your Savior, and turn your life toward following Him.

Don’t neglect God’s gracious offer. And for all of us, if God is impressing on you situations where you need to be a peacemaker, make the commitment right now to follow through on this. Take the initiative then. Be willing to pay the price. Own up to your part in the conflict. Plan a good statement seeking forgiveness, and then do it.

Be a peacemaker. You’ll be blessed if you do. Those who are peacemakers plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness. Blessed are the peacemakers. They will be called sons of God. Thanks for listening.

This has been Paul for Share the Word. Paul, another amazing podcast, and clearly peacemakers are needed now more than ever. At the time of this episode’s recording, a revival of which I’ve not seen in my life is taking place, and I pray that it continues. But what we’re seeing are demonstrations of forgiveness by those in leadership positions, which in turn are clear examples for others to follow. And here’s the challenge. When your ego is getting in the way of your role as a peacemaker, remember that Christ washed Judas’s feet when He knew he was about to betray Him.

Be a leader and take the initiative, whether it’s at work or with your spouse, children, or friends. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Go and spread the good news.